


Humanstuck Drabbles

by violasarecool



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Agender Character, Collegestuck, Drabble, Drabble Collection, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Humanstuck, Nonbinary Character, Twitter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 06:19:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2299544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violasarecool/pseuds/violasarecool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Human kids being nerds as usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Carnivorous Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy, Tavros

"What… are you eating?"

Roxy stopped shoveling eggs into her mouth to point her fork at Tavros’s nose. “Don’t ya know it’s rude to comment on a girl’s eating habits?”

He set his tray down on the table across from her. “Ok, maybe, but that looks really gross.”

Roxy grabbed the ketchup bottle and squirted another dollup of bright red goodness onto her eggs. “I’m staaaarving, ok,” she said, nabbing a sausage off his plate. “I’ve been up since like 8am, gimme a break.”

"Ew," Tavros said, "to both the being up early, and the, uh, red mess of your plate."

Roxy wiped a finger across her ketchup-covered plate, and smeared it across her mouth. “Mm,” she rumbled, “fresh blood.”

"Hah."

* * *


	2. Eridannnnnnn....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh no not the dreaded P WORD
> 
> ft. Eridan & Fef

When the sound of bubbles came from his vibrating phone, Eridan sighed and answered it without putting down his pencil. “If you’d just stop eating so much fuckin’ sugar you wouldn’t be havin’ this problem.”

"Uh, noo, periods happen no matter what you eat."

Eridan flushed. “You know what I meant.” He shifted the phone to his shoulder and brushed several sheets full of scribbled diagrams off his desk.

“ _Anyway,_ it’s not cramps…” She sighed noisily into the phone, and Eridan gritted his teeth.

"What do you need."

"Well, if you’re _asking…”_ He could practically hear her little smirk. “I’m out of pads, could you get me some?”

He started sketching a wide circle on a clean sheet of paper. “Why can’t you just get them yourself?”

“ _Please,_ Eridan.”

He set down his pencil. “Ok,” he said quietly.

"Thank you," she said, as he stood up and grabbed his coat.

"Uh huh."

"You’re a really good friend, you know that?"

"Don’t you try to butter me up."

"Heheh."


	3. The Egbert/Harley family Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> featuring youngish children jade and john

John stared down at the tray of tiny mince pies. "I'm... I'm good, thanks."

His Dad raised his eyebrows, nodding at the tray his Uncle Bernard was holding out toward him.

"No, really," he said, backing away, "I'm stuffed, couldn't eat another bite." He glanced around, caught a glimpse of a tall feathered hat. "Isn't that Aunt Belinda? I should go say hi, she said she wanted to talk to me about something to do with cakes and, uh, icing techniques," he babbled, "talk to you later," he added, darting around a short woman holding the tallest cake he'd ever seen. Which, considering his seventh birthday party, was _saying something._

"Mince pies... it's the middle of July," he muttered, picking his way around tables covered in little lace doilies and more than five times the number of baked goods the entire family tree could possibly consume. He veered away from the tall feathered hat, its long orange fluff bobbing energetically as his Aunt Belinda showed off a bowl of bread pudding, explaining to an older couple something that was probably to do with baking (everything was to do with baking in this family, why couldn't he have been born into a family of _programmers_ , or even circus performers, he'd always wanted to learn to juggle).

He stopped by the drinks, and dug into a cooler for a can of pop. He leaned against a table, scuffing his shoes on the grass as he took a sip of the cool fizzy liquid.

"Hey, I don't think—" came a voice behind him, and he choked on a mouthful of pop as the girl filled a cup with water. "...we've met," she finished, glancing at him. "Oh no, are you ok?"

John wiped his mouth on his sleeve, setting the can down. "Yeah." He looked between her and the tall plant behind the table. "...Were you hiding?"

She shot him a guilty look. "Nooo..."

He grinned. "Was it Grandpa Merrick?"

She giggled. "No, actually, just the Crockers... although he nearly got me earlier with a hunting story." She sipped on her water. "Not that I mind hunting stories, it's just—"

"—he's such an awful story-teller," John finished.

"I know right?? How can anyone ruin a story about being _chased by wolves?"_

"Heh. Must be a talent."

"Or something."

John carefully picked up his pop can again, trying to avoid the sticky dribbles all down the sides. "Oh! I'm John," he said.

"Jade," she replied. She watched him shift his grip, fingers slipping on the sides of the can. "Do you need a napkin? There aren't any left over here, but I think—" She shoved a hand into her huge coat pocket, frowning. After a moment, she grinned, and pulled out a bundle of napkins. "Well, I have lots of napkins, but you're going to have to help me eat some of these donuts if you want to use one."

"Where did you get donuts?" John demanded, watching as she unwrapped several honey crullers and what looked like a strawberry glazed donut.

"Great Grandpa Sassacre." She passed him a honey cruller. "He agreed to share his stash if I didn't tell anyone about the bottle of Jack Daniels in his bag."

"Isn't he supposed to be not drinking anymore?" John asked through a mouthful of donut.

Jade shrugged, and reached into her other pocket to briefly reveal an amber bottle. John giggled. "I wasn't sure, but better safe than sorry," she whispered.


	4. Socks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vriska, Terezi

Vriska felt something flop against her head, saw it fall to the floor out of the corner of her eye. She turned to see a rainbow-striped sock lying next to her foot. “What the hell was that for?”

Terezi grinned and tucked her now bare foot under her. “You’ve been complaining _all day._ " She pointed at the sock. "Put a sock in it."

Vriska lobbed a shoe at her.


	5. William Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lazy summer afternoon
> 
> ft. Dave, Jade, Kanaya, Equius, Nepeta, Rose, Karkat, Sollux

"Apple, anyone?" Dave tossed an apple from one hand to the other.

"I’m good," Jade said. Beside her, Kanaya shook her head.

Dave’s gaze fell on Equius and Nepeta lying at the edge of the sidewalk, colouring with chalk. He smirked, reaching over to where John sat reading, and placed an apple on his head. “Dave, what the hell—”

"Hey, William Tell." He nudged Equius with his foot.

"Pardon me?"

"No way," John said, grabbing at the apple. Dave leaned back, holding it above him.

"I believe Equius’s talents lie in breaking bows, not shooting with them," Rose said, not looking up from her book.

"That’s for sure," Nepeta said, poking Equius with a grin just as John gave a particularly energetic swipe that sent him and Dave careening into the people pile.

"That’s my foot, assholes," Karkat said, but he didn’t move from where he lay, arms behind his head, eyes closed.

Dave prodded him with one finger. “That’s your shoe,” he said, tugging the laces loose.

"If you tie my shoelaces together, I swear to god I’ll drop a history textbook on you."

Dave pulled two laces together. “Nah, I’m just completing the chain.”

Karkat opened one eye as John grabbed the tablet from Sollux’s snoozing form, tossing it to Dave as Sollux leapt up, half asleep, then promptly crashed down, pulling a cascade of laces, shoes, and legs with him.

John high fived Dave, both giggling like children as they snuck away.


	6. 4th of July

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "davejade 4th of July"
> 
> ft. dave, jade, kanaya, rose, vriska, fef, nep, and karkat; and some dave/jade

Rose poked Kanaya in the side with a flag. “Could you pass the cheetos, please?”

Kanaya untangled one hand from Vriska’s hair, and reached for the chip bag. “I hope you appreciate that I am taking time from my masterpiece to indulge your stomach.”

Rose took the bag, and popped a cheeto in her mouth. “Of course. It only adds to my admiration of your skill that you can hold the hair in place while ferrying snacks over Vriska’s cold corpse.”

"I’m not dead," Vriska said, voice muffled by the fact that her face rested on her knees. Rose laid a red white and blue plastic lei across her feet. Vriska kicked it away, jerking Kanaya’s hand from her hair as she did so.

"If you don’t sit still, this will never work," Kanaya tutted, picking up a forlorn strand of hair.

"What are you doing to her hair?" Jade’s voice came from behind them, and Kanaya turned slightly, her eyes alighting on Dave and Jade.

She grimaced. “What are you two wearing.”

Jade adjusted her party glasses, grinning. “Shades and a cool hat,” she said, reaching an arm around dave’s back. A moment later, his shirt started blinking, little red white and blue LEDs flashing across Abe Lincoln’s face.

“ _What._ " Dave stared at his shirt. "You didn’t tell me it fucking _lights up,_ oh my god, this is beautiful.”

"You’re welcome," Jade said, planting a kiss on his cheek.

"You’re my favourite," he said, as she made her way over to Kanaya. "Are you single, because we should totally be dating."

Jade laughed. “Sorry, not single, I’m dating a huge nerd who wears shades in the middle of the night.” She peered over Kanaya’s shoulder, watching as she braided strands of red and blue into Vriska’s hair.

Dave sat down next to Rose. “Nice tiara,” Rose said.

"Thanks, I coloured it myself."

Rose glanced over the messy crayon markings. “I can see that.”

Dave looked over his shoulder. “I’m pretty sure half the group are still at the colouring station. Tz was pretty damn psyched, and Gam and Nep were drawing like birds and shit on theirs.”

Jade stepped over Rose’s extended legs, and planted herself between Rose and Dave. “Rose, have you seen John? He said he was just getting drinks, I thought he’d be back before us.”

Rose shook her head. “I had assumed he was with you.”

"He’s probably showing off his card tricks to those kids again," Dave said. "He doesn’t even get it _right_ half the time, they just laugh when he makes makes a face when he fucks up.”

"Be nice," Jade said, "he’s a lot better at it than you."

"Well, obviously, my best card trick is 52 pickup."

Jade narrowed her eyes at him. “That’s not a card trick.”

"No but—" Dave started, when he was cut off by a single screamer that spiraled into the sky before exploding with a quiet pop, red streaming off it like glitter.

"They’re starting!" Jade hissed, feet tapping the ground excitedly. "Dave, can I have my phone?"

"Yeah, sure." He pulled it out of his pocket, glancing at the screen. "It might have buzzed a few times."

She swiped her thumb across the lock screen. “A _few times_.”

Feferi: <We’re going to be late, maybe half an hour ish?>  
<I’ll text when we get there.>

Nepeta: <omg sorry were taking so loooong>  
<we finished colouring but terezi and gamzee wanted more hot dogs and the line is HUGE!!>  
<and i could eat like three burgers im so hungry>

Karkat: <Ok, we might be lost.>  
<But this place is fucking HUGE, I don’t know how they expect anyone to find anything around here.>  
<I mean, I know it’s a goddamn park, but how much green space do you even need???>

Jade showed the last message to Dave, who sighed. “Can we just let them wander a bit until they find us? There’s not _that_ many people here.” Jade stared at him, and he threw up his hands. “Oh my god, fine, ok, going,” he said, standing up. “Why are all my friends so damn helpless??”

“Birds of a feather?” Jade suggested, and he stuck his tongue out at her.

“Be right back,” he said leaning in to kiss her, once, twice.

"Don’t get lost,” she teased.

"Hah.”


	7. Computer Troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat, John, Jade

John scrubbed at his face with one hand. "Are you sure we shouldn't just get Sollux?"

"No, don't give that asshole another reason to crow about his great computer related prowess," Karkat spat. "The last time I asked for his help, he lorded it over me for weeks."

John shot him a look. "That seems like a pretty dumb reason to let this computer get eaten alive by viruses."

Karkat shook his head. "Come _on,_ we can get this, it's not even programming for god's sake."

There was a knock at the door; Jade stuck her head in. "Hey, we're baking up a storm downstairs, anyone want cookies?"

" _No_ ," Karkat hissed, "that is exactly the problem!"

"Baking??" Jade demanded.

"Cookies!"


	8. chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sollux and kanaya; warning for brief five word mention of blood
> 
> comfort drabble, idk about the nightmares maybe this is reincarnated-as-human-stuck where they dream about sburb sometimes

when sollux stumbled into the dimly lit kitchen, fingers still twitching with the phantom sensation of grass and dirt and oozing burgundy slicking his fingers, he closed his eyes against the light and fumbled his way to the counter, kicking a stool over with his foot before collapsing forward, his arms coming between his head and the counter before he could give his head another reason to increase the jagged pulsing pain above his left brow.

"any booze left?" he mumbled.

another stool screeched as it moved, and he hunched instinctively against the sound. “no, but i dont think that alcohol is the best cure for headaches.”

sollux shifted his right arm, squinting as the light hit his eyeballs. kanaya waved her spoon at him from where she was seated at the counter, a tub of ice cream sitting by her elbow. “pass me a spoon,” he said, and she reached behind her, pulling open a drawer with a huffing sound that might have been a laugh.

"nightmares?" she asked, gently closing the drawer as she handed him a spoon.

"mm." sollux dug a huge spoonful of icecream out of the tub, and shoved it in his mouth. "you?"

kanaya shook her head, staring at her empty spoon. “i… hadnt gone to bed yet.”

sollux yanked his spoon out of his mouth. “wait, what?” he leaned toward her. “are you serious, it’s like 4am, you never do that.”

kanaya shrugged, and pulled the tub back over to her. “yes, well.”

"well?"

"i would rather not talk about it," she said, then shoved another scoop of ice cream into her mouth.

"ok, fine," sollux said. he glanced at the ice cream tub, then shook his head and stood up, wincing at the movement. "ok, ow, that was dumb." the room threatened to disappear in a wave of colourful spots, and he put out a hand to steady himself, blinking them away. "it is," he said, as the kitchen returned to its film noir imitation state, "way too fucking cold for ice cream, im making hot chocolate, want some?"

kanaya nodded. “that sounds good.” she watched him stagger over to the fridge. “if you can manage it without passing out,” she added dryly.

"fuck you," sollux said, opening the fridge door, "im not even close to passing out, that doesnt come until there’s a miniature lightning storm throwing a rave in my skull, and even then, i can hold out for a while before it gets to KO time."

kanaya licked the back of her spoon clean, then set it down, shaking her head. “that,” she said, “is really not as reassuring a statement as you seem to think it is.”


	9. Scrambled Eggs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dave and terezi
> 
> poly ships: daverezi with implied karezi, also davejade

“ _One love, and only one..._ ”

Terezi glared down at the counter, stirring her coffee with loud clinks of spoon against ceramic as the radio cheerfully blasted music at her.

Behind her, she heard a click, and the music stopped. There was a scrape of metal frying pan on the gas stove as Dave went back to frying eggs. “Nothing good on in the morning,” he said.

She smiled into her coffee cup.

There was a comfortable silence, broken only by the sizzling eggs. Terezi took a long exaggerated slurp of coffee. “Did Karkat leave a note when he left this morning?”

“Oh, yeah,” Dave said. “He’ll be back for a few minutes after lunch, but then I think he’s gone for the rest of the day. Asshole’s got himself tangled up in Sollux’s tech gig tomorrow, it’s gonna be fucking wild.”

Terezi snorted. “Dear god. And what are you doing today?”

He scraped at the frying pan, then tossed the scoop on the counter, turning off the stove with a click. “I was gonna hang out with Jade for a bit.”

A grin spread across Terezi’s face. “Hang out?”

“Hang out,” he repeated defensively.

“And maybe eat food together?”

“There might be food, that’s a thing people do.”

“That’s a thing people do _on dates._ Are you going on a date, Dave?”

“Uh... Maybe.” Terezi burst out laughing. “No, seriously, I don’t even fucking know.”

“You are adorably incompetent,” she informed him. “Did you ask her or did she?”

“She suggested it.”

“Did she use the words ‘go out’?”

“Yeah.”

Terezi rolled her eyes. “Why are we even having this conversation. Give me my eggs already, they’re probably getting cold.”

Dave slopped a pile of wet tomato-y eggs onto her plate. “So you think Jade’s poly?”

Terezi shrugged. “She knows about us.” She shoveled a forkful of eggs into her mouth. “Just ask her,” she said, “talk to her, that’s ‘a thing people do’.”

“Right,” Dave muttered, going back to the stove. He cracked another egg into the frying pan. “Karkat’s making breakfast for the rest of this week after he’s done being a bigshot camera man.”

“Definitely,” Terezi said, accepting the change of subject. “Besides,” she grinned, “if I wanted more undercooked eggs I could just make them myself.”

“At least _I_ didn’t set the kitchen on fire,” he retorted.

She giggled.


	10. Hot Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sollux and tz have hot chocolate, twitter shenanigans ensue.
> 
> agender sollux (they/them), genderfluid tz (zie/zir)

"Dear godddd," Sollux groaned, sinking into the couch.

Terezi stuck zir head around the door. "Sollux?"

"Yeah?" Sollux raised their head.

"Oh, you  _are_ here!" Zie ducked back into the kitchen, banging cupboards and clinking cups.

Sollux shifted onto their stomach, peering into the kitchen. "Um. What are you doing?"

"Making hot chocolate!" Terezi called. "Want some?"

"Tz. It's like a million degrees outsde."

"So?"

They leaned back against the couch. "Nothing, I guess. Do we have marshmallows?"

"Yep!"

"Cool. I want twenty."

"Okay."

Sollux pulled out their phone, thumbing through Facebook messages and twitter notifications.

 

**Satan's Asscheek** @carcinogeneticist - 30m  
@twinarmageddons if you value your life don't talk to vriska for at least half an hour

**BEES** @twinarmageddons - 1m  
@carcinogeneticist lol what did you do

**Satan's Asscheek** @carcinogeneticist - 31s  
@twinarmageddons why the fuck do you automatically assume this is MY fault?

**BEES** @twinarmageddons - 3s  
@carcinogeneticist bet you 20 marshmallows it is.

**Satan's Asscheek** @carcinogeneticist - 15s  
@twinarmageddons marshmallows?? should i even ask?

**BEES** @twinarmageddons - 3s  
@carcinogeneticist tz's making hot chocolate.

**im the motherfucking fox** @turntechgodhead - 2s   
@twinarmageddons @carcinogeneticist did someone say hot chocolate

**Satan's Asscheek** @carcinogeneticist - 12s  
@turntechgodhead @twinarmageddons no, dave, no one said hot chocolate. in fact, no one's talking to you. have you gotten your eyes checked recently?

**im the motherfucking fox** @turntechgodhead - 2s   
@twinarmageddons @carcinogeneticist wow rude #sooffended #cryingamilliontearsbehindtheseshades

**Satan's Asscheek** @carcinogeneticist - 18s  
@turntechgodhead @twinarmageddons i don't even remember what the fuck we were talking about anymore. #whatthehelldave

**BEES** @twinarmageddons - 3s  
@carcinogeneticist @turntechgodhead i believe you were complaining about a certain spiderbitch.

**Mindfang's Corsair** @arachnidsgrip  
@carcinogeneticist @turntechgodhead @twinarmageddons ((You guys realize I have twitter too, right????????))

**Satan's Asscheek** @carcinogeneticist - 18s  
@arachnidsgrip @turntechgodhead @twinarmageddons ........ #fuck #abort

**im the motherfucking fox** @turntechgodhead - 2s   
@carcinogeneticist @twinarmageddons @arachnidsgrip aw shit son #youfuckedup

 

"So." Terezi plopped down onto the couch next to Sollux, setting down two steaming mugs. "I don't suppose you know why Vriska's been blowing up my phone for the last hour?"

Sollux glanced at zir, face straight. "Nope."

"Really." Zie leaned over their shoulder, then reached over to scroll up the twitter conversation. "I'm getting mixed signals," zie said, pointing at Karkat's first tweet.

Sollux reached over to grab their hot chocolate, and took a sip. "No comment."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vriska tweets with double brackets because her twitter account is technically an rp account... but she still posts ooc selfies every chance she gets.

**Author's Note:**

> please _don't give me crit_ , constructive or not, even if you feel the need to point out a typo, i would appreciate it if you didn't. i do this for fun, and once i've posted something, i don't really want to think about it critically anymore. thanks.


End file.
